What This Piece Is (and Isn’t) About
This piece isn’t about feminism. Or the choice of being a working mother or not. Or cooking versus not cooking. Or managing other stuff. Or the hundreds of things one needs to do as a parent.
This is about a very simple question: Do I scold my child? Do I not scold my child?
But before I start writing, here are a few truths about this piece:
I might get hate.
I don’t know the correct answer.
I might say things that people don’t generally voice because they’re unpopular opinions.
This is also an internal battle I go through sometimes, where two sides try to win—constantly.
I also want to acknowledge that if I had read a blog piece by someone else asking this same question—”Do I scold the child or do I not?”—I would have had two immediate reactions:
One: What a stupid question. Of course you shouldn’t scold the child. Why do you need an article to explain it? Moms know best. They know what to do based on the situation. They know why the child is doing what they’re doing.
Two: Close the article and move on. There are better things to read.
But that’s exactly why this is important.
I’m not writing for mothers.
I don’t even think I’m addressing fellow mothers—they are not my audience.
For this piece, I am writing for the fathers, the teachers, the grandparents who were once parents, the coaches at extracurriculars, the who’s-who of the community we live in—everybody except mothers.
Let me start by arguing both sides of the coin.
When Scolding Feels Natural
One: Because when I was a child, I got scolded and threatened. And if you’re old enough to read this blog, your parents probably did something similar too. It’s a natural instinct—your voice goes up when children don’t listen to you. In fact, not just with children. Even as adults, when we disagree, our voices get louder.
Two: The child should know what’s out of bounds, what’s wrong, when they’ve made a mistake, and so on. And as humans, our voice, expressions, eyes, and body language are how we show displeasure, right?
How do you express that you’re upset while smiling or staying calm?
Imagine someone who’s angry—but smiling.
Weird, right?
Three: If I look at myself, I turned out well. I think so. (Humble, eh?)
And if I look around me—yes, I’m generalizing—eastern cultures have been more value-driven, family-oriented, academically focused—you get the gist. And parents have always been strict and driven the message home.
(I’m not saying that’s good or bad—I’m just pointing out how deeply culture and history shape the way we behave in society, even unconsciously.)
So what exactly am I doing wrong?
Isn’t scolding a natural process?
That’s one side of the battle.
When Scolding Doesn’t Feel Right
One: I have never learned from being shouted at. Let’s start there.
If anything, as a child, when someone shouted at me, I shut down. I felt embarrassed, I felt hurt, and it quickened my heart rate.
Two: If I’ve ever been shouted at—and this is important—I don’t remember what was said. I only remember the tone, the voice, how it made me feel, and how it sent shivers down my back.
That feeling alone was enough to make me never want to repeat that mistake.
So was a lesson learned? Yes. But at what cost? Too big a price?
Three: We spend so much time designing our homes and routines so our children feel loved, trusted, respected, and confident in themselves. If in that very space, they get shouted at, their trust shatters.
How can they feel secure anywhere?
If anything, they’ll withdraw and go into a shell, never to trust again in this world.
The Invisible Load No One Talks About
Now to sum it up: from getting up in the morning, to making breakfast, to working, cooking, cleaning, homework, school drop-offs, bedtime routines—every single thing.
For every decision a mother makes while with her child, these conflicting thoughts silently pass through her mind.
Every. Single. Time.
And then we ask: why is a mother tired all the time?
A mother is not tired because she has too many things to do.
A mother is tired because of this invisible burden—the weight of both sides of the decision she must act on and the ones she must let go of.
And as we are become more “so -called – modern”, and because we now have so much more information than the previous generation—we carry more decisions.
More pros and cons.
More doubt.
So, if you tell me that every generation of mothers has had this problem to take care of, I don’t agree.
Because this generation—mothers in their late 20s to early 40s—are carrying a new kind of burden. The way technology has changed our lives in the past 20 years – and there is no precedent for that, information has never been more heavier and closer. With every parenting video, every social media post, every algorithm recommendation, one more pro/con is added to each of our decisions.
A Note from my Own Life.
I want to be clear—this isn’t coming from a dark space. But yes, there are personal experiences behind this piece – i too have this conundrum!!!
I haven’t written for a few months because I was figuring out my next career move. Now that’s sorted, I’ve been feeling the pull to start writing again.
And, as I’ve always said, I write the “why” behind the stories. Not just what we see.
We know mothers are tired.
We know about the quiet resignation.
We know divorces are on the rise.
We know mothers are either leaving their jobs to focus on home—or leaving their homes to focus on their careers—and neither feels balanced.
Or they’ve become so mechanical, they just go with the flow.
As a mother, I wanted to write the why mothers are tired. The Exact Why.
And this felt like a beautiful place to pick up the pen again.
One Last Thought
I would like to close this piece with something I have often heard new parents say:
“I’ll give anybody a million bucks just to understand how a child’s brain works.”
My two cents:
“I’ll give anybody a million bucks just not to enter a mom’s brain.”
Pls dont scold 🙏