How to Choose the Right School for your (young) child: A Parent’s Guide

In today’s times, parents face a challenging task. There are so many schools to choose from—CBSE, ICSE, or IB? State syllabus or not? Old, renowned schools or new-age ones? Should I homeschool? What is Montessori or Waldorf? Are children studying in these schools really smarter? Do they do better in life? I didn’t have all these choices, but am I doing badly in life? Is it too bad if the school is too focused on academics? I’ve heard they give a lot of homework—how will I make time for that? There’s a school with fees under ₹1 lakh and another with ₹2.5 lakh—both ICSE—how do I choose?

We are all familiar with this mental burden. Every parent goes through it now. In our parents’ time, fortunately or unfortunately, there were fewer options. Decisions were easier, and exposure was less. If a friend’s child went to a particular school, their child went to the same one. More importantly, most friends in a social circle were of a similar economic level. That has changed. The economic difference within schools, colleges, or even among ex-colleagues has widened, and there is no common benchmark anymore. As if there weren’t enough decisions to make already, this single choice adds significantly to the never-ending list. So, how do we think about it?

Instead of the usual – curriculum, fee, teacher training, etc., I want to present a different perspective and discuss things that are rarely talked about: Humans, or Homo sapiens, have emerged as the most intelligent species. What made their brains superior? How did they adapt better than other species and not vanish from the face of the earth, like dinosaurs and dodos? How is it that until 50 years ago, we were evolving at such a fast pace? What did young human beings do differently?

• Growing Up in Freedom, with the Space to Get Hurt and Heal, Physically and Mentally, Leading to Confidence in Real Life

Even with the challenging outside world—animals preying, wars happening, natural disasters—children still played, sang, danced, grew vegetables, got hurt, got dirty, picked themselves up, laughed, fought, cried, made up, and felt safe. That’s how they learned—automatically. A child who falls sick multiple times early on builds immunity for later years. Similarly, early childhood should be filled with play and exploration because only a strong and secure foundation will give them the confidence to navigate real life. Early education should be about play. But somehow, this common sense has become uncommon. “The child learns through play” is a tagline many institutions advertise as their USP. Was there any other way to it?

A difficult truth: If we see so many unfortunate incidents in Kota and other places, it’s because of overprotected parenting. The more we shield children, the less they learn to deal with challenges independently. While it’s natural to want to protect them, over-protecting them can make it harder for them to manage stress when they eventually face it. The outside world is often harsher than our homes. That’s why it’s so important for children to experience play, get hurt, cry, and throw tantrums. If children are not allowed to be children, they cannot grow into capable adults.

• Growing up admist Strong Social Circles

Surrounding children with loving, nurturing adults, especially women, was incredibly important. Young children thrive in environments where they are cared for by affectionate, confident adults—whether teachers, assistant teachers, or caretakers. When choosing a school today, trust your gut feeling. Do the teachers seem warm and nurturing? Are they genuinely invested in children’s well-being, or are they just marketing their school? It really doesn’t matter if it’s a CBSE, ICSE, IGCSE, IB, or state board. What matters is how children are being taught. The curriculum starts making a difference in Grade 6 onward.

Another important aspect is that children often thrive in environments where people around them look and talk like them. . I know this might be controversial, but it’s worth considering. Exposure to different perspectives is important. But if a child goes to a school where the teachers and students have very different social or economic backgrounds, it can sometimes create a sense of disconnect. Consider this: would you feel completely at ease in a place where everything around you is vastly different from what you’re used to?
I say this from my experience working with Right to Education (RTE) students in IB schools. Yes, the children gained exposure and learnt things they might not otherwise, but they also built defence walls that never came down, because the disconnect between their school life and home life led to feelings of isolation. For six hours, they were in an unfamiliar world; for the remaining 18 hours, they returned to their own. It was tough.
This isn’t to suggest that middle-class families shouldn’t aspire to send their children to prestigious schools or that lower-middle-class families should only opt for low-fee schools. Not at all. What’s important is that the gap between the school and home environment shouldn’t be too wide. Every family, no matter their background, can find a good school that fits their needs. But it’s also worth acknowledging that different social classes face different challenges, and the more relatable the environment, the easier it may be for a child to feel connected.

• Listening to Lots of Stories

Read lots and lots of stories—Dr. Seuss, Ruskin Bond, Mahabharata, Ramayana, Sudha Murthy, Panchatantra, foreign authors, Indian—anything you can get your hands on. Read to them with imagination and expression. The more we read stories to children, the more we fuel their curiosity and cognitive growth. Civilizations have existed and developed because ancient wisdom was passed through stories, and it stayed with generations, even before paper was invented. When stories with morals enter young minds, they magically stay there as some kind of wisdom. The more stories we tell children, the more their brains activate, and the more their brains activate, the more they want to learn. This means that the more the child will pick up anything and everything they can read—newspapers, magazines, stories, books, recipe books, and magazines at doctors’ and dentists’ offices. The moment I see a child reading this, rather than looking at the parent’s screen, I know that there is an environment of stories for the child.

• Valuing and developing traditional Languages

The mother tongue is critical and English and Hindi is important. Knowing these three languages will help any Indian child make friends anywhere in the world. Trust me, knowing different languages doesn’t confuse a child—it never does; it does the opposite. It makes them invincible. I grew up with Kannada, Hindi, and English. Today, I understand quite some parts of Gujarati, Bengali, Telugu, Tamil, and Odia—because all of these languages are somewhat similar to what I know very well. I can’t speak any of these languages fluently, but I definitely understand if someone is talking about food, people, or anything else.

• Having High Expectations from Children (not to be confused with pressure) combined with respect, because they deserve it

In many countries, especially in Eastern Europe, parents don’t praise children just for forming a good English sentence—it’s simply expected. There are specific milestones that children need to meet at certain ages because they’re crucial for brain development. For example, if a child hasn’t learned something by age 5, they’ll struggle to catch up by age 6, as each stage builds on the previous one. This doesn’t mean we should be alarmed if a child experiences a delay—delays are common—but the solution is not to stress, blame, or worry. It’s about naturally respecting children and having an expectation of them. Having high expectations doesn’t mean adding pressure—it means acknowledging that children can rise to meet the natural challenges their development requires.”When this is the standard, they will naturally rise to meet it. It’s not about pressure—it’s simply how growth works. “When someone believes I can do something, I’m more likely to do it well because I start believing in myself too.”

• Focusing on Aesthetic (read Cursive) Writing

When children learn cursive writing, it is a best-case scenario. Cursive helps them use a pencil properly and write in a continuous flow. Traditionally, cursive writing was used because it would provide speed and an aesthetic look to the letters. There’s no definitive research proving that block letters are superior. Schools prefer block letters because parents think they are easier, but children are capable of much more. Cursive writing enhances writing speed, mirroring how speech and thought flow. Don’t set low expectations for children—they will meet whatever standard we set.

• Not Overcomplicating Childhood with Modern-Day Trends

Disney movies—let them watch them. Feminism is important, and I am a feminist. But don’t take away the joy of cosying up to Sleeping Beauty or Hansel and Gretel or Rapunzel. When I was little, and I used to read these stories, I wouldn’t feel so bad when bad things happened, as much as I would feel good when the story ended and everything went well. And you know why that’s important? Because it helps you keep up hope. It helps you maintain confidence and anchors you to a good ending. Got thrown out of a job? Bad breakup? Bad marks? No problem… things will get better. It always will.

• No Student-Facing Technology

Now, this is my favourite: screens and digital exposure have absolutely no business in childhood. Let’s be very clear about that. There has been no technology developed—or is good enough, or shall ever be developed—that is better than pen, pencil, and paper. Yes, it can be teacher-facing or parent-facing, but it need not be part of the learning process for children. Let me tell you why.

It’s important to consider the long-term impact of screen exposure on children. Adults who are aware of the effects of digital and screen time on their relationships, circadian rhythms, and posture still struggle with addiction to screens. Now imagine the impact on children, whose brains are still developing. The constant exposure to screens is detrimental, as it interferes with their cognitive, emotional, and physical development. We’re effectively taking away critical aspects of their growth and well-being.

When choosing a school, as parents, we are shown a lot of things around the school—infrastructure, whether classrooms are air-conditioned or not, teacher hiring updates, curriculum updates, leadership changes, funding, etc.,  But all of that? They’re just enablers. Parents are usually shown only a limited set of factors, and some are hard to even discover.

That’s where the checklist comes in. It’s simple: look for the things you can easily observe. Check your friend’s children’s books, ask around, observe what’s happening. These are things you can see and verify.

The Checklist: 

1. Will my child grow up in a safe space to get hurt and heal, leading to confidence in real life? 

2. Do I get enough confidence in the teachers, staff and coordinators that my child is going to get loads of love? 

3. Will my child listen to loads of stories? 

4. Will the school teach my child to respect local languages? 

5. Does the school have high expectations from children? Do they respect students? Because children deserve it? 

6. Do they think that Cursive Writing actually improve the motor skills of the child? 

7. Do they let children dream and have a hope? 

8. Is Technology Absent, for a child? 

If the answer to the most of them is a “Yes”, please select that school. There are high chances you won’t go wrong:)